whodunnit

I have been asked this question innumerable times by dozens of people in the last couple of years. I am standing, for some time now, at cross-roads and am unable to decide which path to tread. Why?...because I dont know what I want. All my life, driven by logic, driven by clear needs and wants and suddenly I am not sure what I want! I have not experienced anything like this before...I have not felt indecisiveness like this before. I may have taken time to arrive at the decisions but never this long...

When I started writing this post (in apr 2008), the words above truly reflected the dilemma I was going through. Today, some things have changed and I have decided which path to follow. But its not because I took a decision or because I chose that path, the way things eventually evolved, the choice was made for me by the circumstances. So in fact, the question still is, why couldn't I decide? May be the question is framed wrong...may be the question is why didn't I want to decide? Yes...that's the correct one. I knew all along what decision I would make, if I had to...what option will I choose, if I had to...and I just didnt't have courage to accept my own decision.

Today, when the choice has been made for me by circumstances, I wonder why I waited so long..why did I let someone chose for me. Come to think of it, I actually did make a decision...a decision that I dont want to carry the burden of a wrong choice, a decision that I dont want to wonder for rest of my life if I picked the right path. I guess, in the end, it still was me who chose for me :)